Dickpics Are Dumb, Here Are 6 Reasons Why

Putting aside any circumstantial judgment about whether or not it's creepy to send someone a photo of your dick, the fact remains, dick pics don't make a whole lot of logical sense either, when you think about it. Here's 6 reasons why:

 

If you text someone a picture of an erect penis as if to say, "you should come over for sex because my penis is erect and thus ready to roll!" then what actually is the implication there? Are you planning to maintain that erection for the entire half hour until the text recipient makes their way to your place (which would be incredibly uncomfortable and most likely guarantee a sub-30-second lovemaking session)? Or are you going to lose that erection, then just get a new erection when the person comes over, thus rendering the fact that you had an erection earlier moot?

 

You gotta think that shit through.

 

Imagine the likelihood of this scenario --

 

Girl (thinking to herself): I'm pretty sure I want to sleep with this guy, but I'm still kinda on the fence. What if he doesn't possess a dick?

 

[Receives dickpic]

 

Girl: YES! Ok, whew, glad we cleared that up. I was afraid he was just gonna, like, rub a flat Ken-Doll-like crotch against mine and I'm not sure I have the energy for that tonight. Fell for that one too many times in the past.

 

How often do you take a photo of yourself and instantly want to delete it? Or get tagged in someone else's photo and also want to delete it?

 

Now imagine that same level of self-consciousness pickiness and apply it to you taking a photo of your own penis to show a potential sexual partner. You'll never be satisfied. And if you are, it's because you're too drunk to second-guess yourself, in which case, you're almost certainly sending a sub-optimal dick pic.

 

And the only thing worse than sending a regretful dickpic would be sending a follow-up 'correction' one with an asterisk.

 

I have a 30-pound dog. Upon meeting her in person, some people say "she's a lot bigger than she looks in her photos," while other people say "she's a lot smaller than she looks in her photos," even though they've all seen the same photos. So how

 

Unless, of course, you put an object next to your dick to 'verify' its size/girth and somehow not have that be weird. Most objects, sadly, are much larger than dicks. So what are you gonna hold up, like a quarter? A small pen? Just texting someone a pic of your dick and a pen, nothing unusual there.

 

If you do happen to own an actual physical ruler AND have a penis large enough for a measurement of it to be a deciding factor in the text-recipient's sex decision, then I admit, I am impressed. You own a ruler?? Are you an art teacher?

 

What are you gonna put in the background? Nothing? Just your dick and a totally white wall in the background, with your dick-shadow kinda visible against it? Is that weird? You don't often just see a lone dick floating in empty space, that might be jarring for the person receiving it.

 

But on the other hand, isn't it a lot weirder if you set up a background? Like, condoms and lube on a blue bedsheet? A fine arrangement of embroidered pillows? Mmm, but also you want to compliment the dick, not detract from it. Maybe a background of smaller, worse dicks? Like the tiny diamonds on the side of engagement rings?

 

I'm not saying a background is gonna make or break your dick pic, it's just yet another factor you're gonna have to consider. Imagine shopping for a paint color while you're drunk and horny and already in a bad enough world of judgment to consider texting dickpics. It's not ideal.

 

If you're drunk-texting someone and it doesn't go well, you then have to suffer through the double-humiliation of waking up the next morning and rereading your own texts, and either laughing at yourself (if they're harmlessly wacky) or getting instantly mortified. In the latter case, you can at least try to tell yourself that whatever you texted wasn't that bad ("I don't think that came off as flirting, maybe I just wanted to get some food and watch a movie at 4:45 am?")

 

If you send a dick pic, though, there's no turning back. Even your self-justifyin'-next-morning-self is just gonna have to be like, "Well, nope, that's just a dick, any way ya slice it." And that's pretty much what it all comes down to.

 

Source: www.collegehumor.com