6 Ways Santa Claus Should Actually Use His Powers

Ol' Saint Nick is kind of a dick. He can travel at lightspeed and has unlimited resources, but he uses it to give already well-off kids more material goods? I have some suggestions for better uses of his powers:

1. Use his Naughty or Nice List to level some justice

Santa Claus supposedly knows what Objective Nice is. That is an unfathomable skill. But he also has a whole list of who is naughty and nice! Santa knows who the murderers/pedophiles/rapists are! He knows the EXACT sins of EVERYONE IN THE WORLD. And what is he doing with them?! Using it to deny gifts to misbehaving children.

Using his List and surveillance techniques, he could create SantaLeaks: Like WikiLeaks but genuinely right and objectively perfect.

2. Distribute resources all over the world

Instead of giving toys to children whose parents can afford toys, Santa should spread the Christmas cheer around. Give nutritious food to malnourished children. Health care to children who don't have access to it. Education and college tuition for all! If the elves can make a perfect Barbie knock-off, I'm sure he can manage to make some simple vaccinations, so speaking of...

3. Revolutionize industries with help from elves 

Santa has complete control of a magic breed of creature that can create infinite toys resembling popular toys. Assuming that these creatures are being treated ethically, why are their skills going to waste on TOYS?!

4. Use his flying magic to remodel transportation

Santa can travel the world without the use of fossil fuels. Why is he not breeding these flying reindeer!?! Maybe not everyone should be traveling via reindeer flying sled power, but if he worked with airlines to reduce their carbon emissions, it'd probably mean cheaper and more environmentally flights for all.

5.  Rescue people

Santa can enter ANY HOUSEHOLD through the CHIMNEY, even if there's not a chimney! He should be using that power to release people from North Korean prison camps and saving miners from collapsed mines, not breaking into children's houses in the middle of the night. Come on, Santa, step it up.

6. Lend his body to be studied by weight loss doctors

Santa is a lil chubby but not eat-cookies-from-every-kid-in-the-world overweight. How does his body do that?

Source: www.collegehumor.com