This Guy Might Have The Weirdest Sense Of Humor On All Of Twitter

There's a whole bunch of hilarious people on Twitter, but comedian Jeff Wysaski AKA pleatedjeans, consistently makes us laugh with his slightly off sense of humor. If you haven't checked him out before, take a gander at some of these tweets below.

1.

Lawyer: did your boyfriend commit the crime?
Girlfriend: honey he can't even commit to this relationship
Entire jury: OH SNAP

-- Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) May 9, 2016

2.

Job tip: write numbers on ur stomach so when the interviewer asks "why should I hire you" u can lift ur shirt & say "bc u can count on me"

-- Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) July 25, 2016

3.

Don't use a wizard wand to stir your coffee it happened once at Hogwarts the coffee expanded & flooded the dining hall 300 kids drowned

-- Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) August 16, 2016

4.

[doc pulls baby out of mom and immediately slides it under his shirt] oh no NOW I'M PREGNANT haha no [pulls it out] just kidding here you go

-- Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) July 15, 2016

5.

[holds up ring]
Will you marry me?
OMG YES
[slips ring on finger]
[she gains +2 intelligence and changes her mind]

-- Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) May 19, 2015

6.

Rules for my car
-No food
-I pick the music
-Must put this mask on
-Feet off dash
-Here take this gun
-We're robbing a bank
-Dont be a pussy

-- Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) April 18, 2015

7.

If you slip the train conductor $50 you can take a saddle on the roof and pretend you're steering a giant snake

-- Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) July 26, 2016

8.

[hiding in pantry from murderer]
[quietly tries to open bag of chips]

-- Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) January 8, 2015

9.

Biggest design flaw in ostriches is the skinny neck you can strangle 6 at once don't ask how I know also can someone pick me up from the zoo

-- Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) August 15, 2016

10.

doctor: here's your x-ray
me: ew I look ugly in this one delete it take another

-- Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) January 27, 2015

11.

I'm rebooting the Air Bud franchise but this time it's a duck the 1st film is called Slam Duck picture the movie poster I'm gonna be rich

-- Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) July 22, 2016

12.

U can put anything on ur tombstone there's no fact checker say u were 150 yrs old or killed by a bear future generations will believe it

-- Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) July 22, 2016

13.

worst place to be stung by bees is the club bc it just looks like you're doing cool dance moves & sure u win the dance off but at what cost

-- Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) December 15, 2014

14.

*accidentally knocks 'G' off graveyard sign*
[beat drops]
*skeletons rise from ground twirling glowsticks dancing like crazy*

-- Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) September 5, 2014

15.

*gets down on 1 knee*
OMG
*puts 2nd knee down*
WHAT?
*lays on floor*
JIM?
*snake noises*
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
*slithers out of relationship*

-- Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) July 9, 2014

16.

If u drink the blue liquid from a Magic 8-Ball u can see the future trust me my friend Keith did once & said he was gonna die & then he did

-- Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) September 15, 2015

Source:http://ift.tt/2aOGCka http://ift.tt/2bARNxG